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 신현근 박사 강의안: 라이프 코치로서 듣는 방법  
첨부파일 : f1_20160915061717.pdf
 

과목:  Formation of a Professional Life Coach

주제:  Listening as a coach (코치로서 듣는 방법)

강사: 신현근 박사 

내용: 강의안 - 라이프 코치로서 듣는 방법

교재Williams, P. & Menendez, D. S. (2015). Becoming a Professional Life Coach: Lessons from the Institute for Life Coach Training (2nd Ed.). New York and London: W. W. Norton & Company.

 

1.       Introduction

1.1.    Listening is a deceptively simple skill that’s often overlooked in its power.

1.1.1. Listening as a coach is very different from normal, everyday listening.

1.1.2. Even when done extraordinarily well, common conversational listening lacks the intentional focus the coach brings to the coaching conversation.

1.1.3. The coach listens with a very different quality of attention that includes an impulse to be of service, with no agenda aside from listening for “wants” to emerge.

1.2.    As Carl Rogers demonstrated, active listening, accompanied by unconditional positive regard, supports clients in making tremendous positive changes.

1.2.1. The coach’s ability to be fully present to the client, patiently listening, communicates fundamental acceptance of the client.

1.2.2. This quality of listening and acceptance allows the client to be vulnerable in sessions.

1.2.3. Coaches often refer to this as creating a sacred space or an inspiring space in which the client experiences the impact of powerful listening.

1.2.4. This space supports the client’s personal unfolding.

1.2.5. If lapses occur in the coach’s ability to listen with patience and undeniable focus, or to create an inspiring space, the client’s trust will erode.

1.3.    Helping professionals know how valuable it can be to simply listen and focus their attention on a client.

1.3.1. However, coaches listen in unique ways that support the goals of the coaching relationship and maximize opportunities for achieving those goals.

1.4.    Most helping professionals listen instinctively for the client’s feelings, and just as instinctively they reflect, probe, and work with the client toward therapeutic change.

1.4.1. As coaches, we listen for the client’s feelings, too.

1.4.2. However, we pay equal attention to other domains of the client’s life.

 

2.       Three kinds of listening as a coach (Whitworth, Kinsey-House, & Sandahl, 1998, pp. 9, 257).

2.1.    Listening to (Level one listening)

2.1.1. Listening to is what many people call active listening.

2.1.1.1.              Listen to what the client says— and does not say. Listening to is what many people call active listening. Listen to what the client says— and does not say. Listen to the content and to what is beyond the words. This is the kind of listening that most of us learn readily to do as students, as parents, and as partners. A basic skill in active listening includes knowing when and how to mirror back to the client what was heard. When mirroring, the coach repeats back to the client what he said so that he feels fully heard. Artful mirroring allows the client to hear himself. However, masterful coaches go beyond elementary mirroring. People new to practicing mirroring sometimes make the mistake of parroting back what they heard, rather than offering a nuanced interpretation that captures the client’s attention. New coaches sometimes mirror too often, interrupting the client’s flow.

2.1.1.2.              Listen to the content and to what is beyond the words.

2.1.2. A basic skill in active listening includes knowing when and how to mirror back to the client what was heard.

2.1.2.1.              When mirroring, the coach repeats back to the client what he said so that he feels fully heard.

2.1.2.2.              Artful mirroring allows the client to hear himself.

2.1.2.3.              However, masterful coaches go beyond elementary mirroring.

2.1.3. Coaches also listen to by observing the client’s body movements, gestures, tone of voice, speech pacing, pauses, and eye movements.

2.2.    Listening for (Level two listening)

2.2.1. A second kind of listening we do as coaches is listening for.

2.2.1.1.              Laura Whitworth describes this well: “The coach listens for clients’ vision, values, commitment, and purpose in their words and demeanor” (Whitworth, Kinsey-House, & Sandahl, 1998, p. 257).

2.2.1.2.              To listen for is to listen in search of something.

2.2.1.3.              The coach listens with a consciousness, with a purpose and focus that come from the alliance that was designed with the client.

2.2.1.4.              The alliance includes the client’s goals and desires, what many coaches refer to as “the client’s agenda.” The coach listens to forward the client’s agenda, not the coach’s agenda.

2.2.2. One kind of listening for that is not useful, however, is listening for “the solution.”

2.2.2.1.              As coaches, we do not need to be the expert.

2.2.2.2.              Coaches learn to observe their own process and let go of their investment in being the expert and having the answer.

2.2.3. Coaching is not about listening for problems, pathologies, history, pain, and blocks— instead, it’s about listening for possibilities, goals, dreams, and aspirations.

2.2.3.1.              It’s about discovering, harnessing, and expanding on strengths and tools clients have, not about rooting out problems and tackling them (which, in addition to being disempowering, is not an appropriate focus in the coaching relationship).

2.2.3.2.              Listening for solutions is, in fact, a block to the coaching process: it distorts the process by superimposing an artificial agenda onto it.

2.3.    Listening with (Level three listening)

2.3.1. The best way we have found is to consider listening with the whole self.

2.3.1.1.              This includes listening with heart, listening with intuition, and listening with the body.

2.3.1.2.              Listening with heart, coaches notice what emotions are emerging as they resonate with clients.

2.3.1.3.              Listening with intuition, coaches pay attention to the images, metaphors, and internal words or phrases that emerge from within as an intuitive connection.

2.3.1.4.              Listening with the body, coaches notice where in their body they are reacting to what they are hearing or sensing from the presence of the client.

2.3.2. Skillful coaches listen and resonate with clients’ words, meanings, and tones.

2.3.2.1.              They listen consciously to what is evoked in them by clients.

2.3.2.2.              They listen deeply from the heart and attend to the images, feelings, and senses that arise.

2.3.2.3.               These are sources of insight and resources for both coach and client.

2.3.3. Coaches are careful to avoid “me, too” listening.

2.3.3.1.              That kind of listening shifts the focus away from the client’s experience.

2.3.4. However, a unique feature of the coaching relationship is appropriate use of self-disclosure by the coach.

2.3.4.1.              A masterful coach must know the difference between self-disclosure to enhance the client’s learning and disclosure that interferes.

2.3.4.2.              Self-disclosure must serve one of two purposes: to increase the connection with the client or to function as a learning point.

2.3.5. For therapists becoming coaches, learning to self-disclose at all can be difficult.

2.3.5.1.              Most therapists were taught not to do any self-disclosure with clients because it interferes with the clients’ healing and shifts the relationship out of the professional role.

2.3.5.2.              Since coaches work with clients who are not emotionally fragile, occasional self-disclosure deepens the relationship as clients see coaches as fully human.

2.3.6. The great gift of coaching is that we can freely share our intuition with clients because the relationship is one of partnership.

2.3.6.1.              Often, how freely we share what we hear is one of the key differences between the kind of listening we do as therapists and the kind of listening we do as coaches.

2.3.7. Coaches need to be cautious about what psychologists know as transference and countertransference.

2.3.8. Clients may bring into coaching the unconscious expectation that coaches will solve their life issues for them, thereby provoking a natural tendency coaches may have to rescue or fix.

2.3.9. Coaching relationships have a quality of intimacy about them that makes it critical for coaches to commit to reflecting on any leaks of their own “stuff” into the coaching relationship.

2.3.9.1.              To be effective and powerful, coaches at their best must recognize what might trigger or hook them when it occurs, and let it go.

 

3.       A useful listening template - Listening for the Big Five

3.1.    Focus

3.1.1. Clients’ focuses are the characteristic parts of their work and life that draw their attention at the current time.

3.1.1.1.              An ideal focus is appropriate, steady, flexible, able to be maintained, and related to goals that foster the clients’ well-being.

3.1.1.2.              Clients may come into coaching with a “fuzzy focus.”

3.1.1.3.              Through powerful questions, journal exercises, and reflections, clients will gain more clarity of focus and be able to move toward what they want.

3.1.2. Coaching helps clients determine the destination so that the coaching can move ahead to exploring the various routes clients can choose to get there.

3.1.3. Coaches must help clients to assess whether the clients’ goals are feasible— whether they are appropriate and achievable for the clients at this time.

3.1.4. It is, of course, possible to be over focused.

3.1.4.1.               Over focusing does not allow clients to discover options because they are so focused on just one direction.

3.1.4.2.              Being highly motivated isn’t the same as being overfocused, which is like having tunnel vision.

3.1.5. Life coaching— unlike pure business coaching— takes a whole-person perspective on any client who comes for coaching.

3.2.    Mind-set/Attitude

3.2.1. Coaches consider the clients’ mind-set by observing and listening to the clients.

3.2.1.1.              How do the clients tend to interpret their experiences— negatively, seeing only problems?

3.2.1.2.              Positively, seeing possibilities?

3.2.1.3.              Is the clients’ mind-set helpful, or is it limiting?

3.2.1.4.              The coaching conversations can help clients shift away from limiting beliefs and toward powerful possibilities and a more “can do” attitude.

3.2.2. Mind-set and attitude are the characteristic or current mental and emotional positions from which clients view themselves, other people, events, and the world.

3.2.2.1.              Mind-set and attitude can often be the source of— or have significant impact on— clients’ motivational patterns.

3.2.2.2.              The key factor is whether the clients are aware of their mind-set and attitude. Are the mind-set and attitude appropriate?

3.2.2.3.              Do they support the clients to reach the goal?

3.2.3. Mind-set includes the characteristic ways clients view themselves and the world.

3.2.3.1.              As a coach listens, over time clients will reveal mind-set.

3.3.    Skills and capabilities

3.3.1. Given the clients’ goals, the key question is whether they have the necessary skills and capabilities required for success.

3.3.1.1.              Skills tend to be learnable and teachable.

3.3.1.2.              Capacities, on the other hand, can be developed but generally are not things we expect to build through teaching.

3.3.2. First, coaches and clients identify current skills and capacities the clients have that will support the coaching goals.

3.3.2.1.              These are the resources the clients can draw upon.

3.3.2.2.              The coaching helps the clients determine whether to learn other needed skills or to delegate or hire someone.

3.3.3. This assessment can also help the client determine whether the goal he has set is feasible within the time he wants to achieve it.

3.3.3.1.              Assessing skills and capabilities sometimes becomes an entry point back to examining the goal, as well as to other areas within the Big Five.

3.4.    Habits, practices, and patterns

3.4.1. These are what clients do automatically— without thinking or planning.

3.4.1.1.              These can be habits, practices, and patterns in the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual realms.

3.4.1.2.              Key questions are: “Are the clients’ habits, practices, and patterns supporting them in achieving the goal? Do they need to be shifted in some way? Can they be unlearned, noticed, or developed into new patterns?

3.4.2. Note: This is not an invitation to judge clients. Avoid labeling the habits as bad or good. Simply discover whether they are useful or not— whether they support the clients in effectively attaining their goals.

3.5.    Attending to client’s energy

3.5.1. This factor is the clients’ ability to bring forth, as needed, an appropriate amount of physical/ emotional/ mental/ spiritual energy in a timely and appropriate way.

3.5.1.1.              Energy serves as a gateway into clients’ health, motivation, commitment, and way of being in the world.

3.5.1.2.              Energy may be either sourced or blocked by the previous four factors.

3.5.1.3.              A good coach will notice regularly how clients motivate themselves and generate energy, as well as whether their physical well-being impacts their energy. For

 

4.       What listening is not

4.1.    Coaching is not about listening for problems, pathologies, history, pain, and blocks— instead, it’s about listening for possibilities, goals, dreams, aspirations.

4.1.1. Coaching is about discovering, harnessing, and expanding on strengths and tools clients have, not about rooting out problems and tackling them (which, in addition to being disempowering, is not an appropriate focus in the coaching relationship).

4.2.    Coaching is not about listening for solutions.

4.2.1. We distinguish possibilities from solutions, and encourage coaches to begin listening for possibilities from the beginning of their work.

4.2.2. Coaches need to remain open to clients’ creativity in generating solutions.

4.2.3. Listening for solutions is a block to coaching because it distorts the process by superimposing an artificial agenda onto it.

4.3.    Coaching is not advising or training.

4.3.1. Sometimes coaches do need to teach their clients something briefly in order to help them build a skill or capability.

4.3.2. The coach would ask the client’s permission to teach and would label the work as such.

 

5.       Conclusion

5.1.    We begin this book with a focus on listening because listening creates the foundation for great coaching.

5.2.    In terms of what an observer would notice, the coach would be doing any of the following (Ellis, 2006, pp. 54– 56):

5.2.1. Listening fully and then affirming the client.

5.2.2. Listening fully and then feeding back clients’ desires.

5.2.3. Listen fully and ask the client to generate a few new possibilities.

5.3.    Later on in the coaching relationship, coaches may offer possibilities to clients or teach a skill on a limited basis.

5.3.1. But early in the relationship, coaches focus on listening to the clients and helping the clients discover what they want, what they believe, and what is possible.

5.3.2. The coaches’ responses as listeners focus on clarifying and magnifying the clients’ desires.

 
 
 
 
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