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작성자  simonshin 작성일  2016.11.17 14:41 조회수 1195 추천 0
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 신현근 박사 강의안: 사랑이 우리에게 필요한 모든 것이다  
 

과목:  Formation of a Professional Life Coach

주제:  LOVE IS ALL WE NEED

강사: 신현근 박사 

내용: 강의안- 사랑이 우리에게 필요한 모든 것이다

교재Williams, P. & Menendez, D. S. (2015). Becoming a Professional Life Coach: Lessons from the Institute for Life Coach Training (2nd Ed.). New York and London: W. W. Norton & Company.

 

1.       INTRODUCTION

1.1.    Sigmund Freud once said that what is important in life is to love and to work.

1.2.    Love and fear

1.2.1.The world’s major spiritual teachers have said that there are only two real emotions: love and fear.

1.2.2.What we mean by love in this chapter is not the usual sense of love as romance or intimacy with a partner.

1.3.    Love as an emotion in the absence of fear.

1.3.1.Love is a potential we want to experience.

1.3.2.Love is a state of being – a love consciousness our clients can access that allows them to be courageous, purposeful, an in harmony with their value.

1.3.3.Love is experienced in the body as well.

1.3.3.1.              Experiencing love, our body feel expansive.

1.3.3.2.              We feel centered, grounded, energized, available, and in touch with our whole being – what some might experience as a state of bliss.

1.3.4.This state is opposite of fear.

1.4.    Love is also the act of creation.

1.4.1.When clients are attempting to create in their life, love is the state that allows them to create.

1.4.2.We create the feeling of love through connecting: to people, to the earth, to life itself, to something larger than ourselves.

1.4.3.To realize or not, we are all connected.

1.4.4.When we are conscious of this connection, love can occur.

1.4.5.One basic issue that we encounter frequently in our coaching is that clients feel isolated, particularly in industrialized cultures.

1.4.5.1.              They may feel this as loneliness.

1.4.5.2.              We coach them to acknowledge the connectedness they in.

1.4.5.3.              Connectedness is a quality of life for all human beings, and to be unaware of our own connectedness is to be unaware of love.

1.5.    Because human life is a connected life, the quality of each depends on the quality of our relationships – with family, friends, community, a higher power, and ourselves.

 

2.       EXPRESSION OF LOVE

2.1.    The title of this chapter comes from a song by the Beatles.

2.2.    Sometimes love scares us because it can bring hurt.

2.2.1.Mother Teresa said, “I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.”

2.3.    Sometimes our role as parents requires us to love until it hurts.

2.3.1.The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescence Health found that a sense of connection at home and a sense of connection at school were two conditions most protective of child’s wellbeing.

2.3.1.1.              It was the perception of connection itself that was key, not any specific program or set of actions.

2.4.     For coaches and parents of adolescents alike, Harry Palmer’s definition of love offers us a hand to hold in times of frustration: “Love is an expression of the willingness to create space in which something is allowed to change.” 

2.5.    Some people resist intimacy and love because they seem confining.

2.5.1.Being separate feels somewhat safer.

2.5.2.As Larry Dossey said, “We have for so long defined ourselves as separate personalities that we have fallen into the hypnotic spell of believing that separation, not unity is the underlying reality.”

2.6.    Those who truly love bring the love wherever they are, bridging even extreme spaces of separation and distance.

2.6.1.Reverend Phillip Berrigan

2.6.1.1.              As a writer, teacher, and activist, he stirred the conscience of many with his call to radical fidelity to gospel of peace as an expression of love for all.

2.6.1.2.              Even in prison, as in the outside world, his work and life were to resist violence and oppression, to understand and try to live by God’s word, to build community and help people learn to love one another.

 

3.       LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES

3.1.    Most of us are taught how to love others but we do not learn how to love ourselves.

3.1.1.Many have been taught that to love ourselves is wrong, even a sin.

3.2.    Loving ourselves is nothing we need to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about.

3.2.1.Loving ourselves actually make us more lovable.

3.2.2.In addition, loving ourselves teaches us how to love and care for others, which means we are able to love others more richly.

3.2.3.Sometimes this is the task of coaching – to help clients recover their capacity to love.

3.2.4.Until we truly create a loving relationship with ourselves, other relationship will not be fulfilling as they could.

3.2.5.When we do not love ourselves, we look for others to fill the void, which drains the energy from our outside relationships.

3.2.6.When we love ourselves, we do not have to look out to have our needs met and, therefore, we can simply enjoy the other relationships for what they are.

3.3.    Self-love is the quiet inner sense people carry that they are competent, valuable, and worthy of giving and receiving love.

3.3.1.Self-love is critical for mental health and happiness, as well as the best insurance against mental distress and depression.

3.4.    When client lack self-love, they find it difficult to take care of themselves.

3.4.1.As they learn to love themselves, their willingness and ability to care for themselves increases.

 

4.       LOVE IS A CHOICE

4.1.    Love is a choice … not simply or always a rational choice, but rather the willingness to be present to others fully without pretense.

4.2.    If love is a choice, a key coaching question becomes, “What gets in the way of choosing love for you? What do you choose instead of love?”

4.2.1.Common examples of what people choose instead of love include self-focus, anger, judgments, expectations, being right, being busy, and worries.

4.3.    Once client has identified what gets in the way of choosing love, we can then ask these questions: “How is it you choose these instead of love?” “How can you help yourself choose love instead?”

4.4.    Sometimes clients need to begin a practice of some sort to begin to build their capacity to choose love.

4.4.1.One thing we know is that many people who report feeling very fulfilled have practices associated with gratitude.

4.5.    Exercises

4.5.1.The compassion exercise

4.5.1.1.              The exercise is based on Palmer’s  (1997) belief that when people are honest with themselves, they will feel compassion with others.

4.5.1.2.              People need to recognize that they are not special but are simply human beings, just like any other human beings.

4.5.1.3.              Those they are angry with are human.

4.5.1.4.              With this humility comes compassion for themselves as well as others.

4.5.2.Expressing love

4.5.2.1.              Human beings learn better how to love others than how to love themselves.

4.5.2.2.              Through this exercise, we ask clients to learn from themselves how they can better love themselves.

4.5.3.Expressing care

4.5.3.1.              “So you reserve your car for special occasions, keeping it out of situations that will potentially damage it and keeping its engine maintained. How can you keep yourself out of harm’s way and keep your body maintained?”

 

5.       THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

5.1.    Overview

5.1.1.In order to foster healthy self-love, we may need to forgive ourselves, just as healthy love of others requires us letting go of resentments, old anger, and unforgiving wounds.

5.1.1.1.              Forgiveness grows out of love and can change the course of life.

5.1.2.Cheap forgiveness

5.1.2.1.              Many cultures glorify forgiveness to the point where those who experienced a grievance feel they should easily forgive.

5.1.2.2.              Those who engage in this behavior easily pardon others without really dealing with their emotions and coming to terms with their own injury.

5.1.2.3.              They may make excuses for others or hold themselves at fault when someone mistreats them.

5.1.3.Refusing to forgive

5.1.3.1.              Refusing to forgive is also an unhealthy approach to forgiveness.

5.1.3.2.              Those who refuse to forgive stew in their own hostility, rigidly cutting themselves off from connections with life.

5.1.3.3.              Someone who adopts this style can easily be offended and harbor grudges.

5.1.3.4.              Through this reactive, rigid style, the person becomes cut off from emotions other than resentment and anger.

5.1.4.Spring’s principles

5.1.4.1.              They are useful for many coaching clients who are ready and willing to gain closure on hurtful experiences.

5.1.4.2.              Her work also offers two healthy options for forgiveness: acceptance, in which a person works toward a lasting inner resolution in the absence of the offender’s availability and willingness to work on the issue and true forgiveness, which is a healing process that the offender and hurt party engage in together.

5.1.5.Lincoln’s story

5.1.5.1.              In a time when many leaders are unable to say they are sorry or offer forgiveness, this story shows power and wisdom of forgiveness.

5.1.5.2.              Lincoln’s forgiveness changed the course of a life.

5.2.    The Water Bearer, a Teaching Story

5.2.1.A key task of coaching is learning to love ourselves so that we are available to love others and receive one.

5.2.2.In the teaching story, the water bearer learns how love can turn flaws into gifts through acceptance.

5.3.    In the connected world, we live in, nothing goes to waste.

5.3.1.We need not be afraid of our imperfections and our flaws.

5.3.2.If we acknowledge them, we too can be the cause of beauty.

5.3.3.In our weakness, we find our strength.

 

6.       REFLECTIONS ON LOVE AND SEEING ANEW

6.1.    Awareness written by Anthony de Mello

6.1.1.If you wish to love, you must learn to see again.

6.1.2.And if you wish to see, you must learn to give up your ‘drug.’

6.1.3.Give up your dependency.

6.1.4.To see at last with a vision that is clear and unclouded by fear or desire.

6.1.5.You will know what it means to love.

6.1.6.But to come to the land of love, you must pass the pains of death, for to love persons means to die to the need for persons, and to be utterly alone.

6.2.    Reflections on Love for the Coach

6.2.1.We suggest a reframing to think love as the force or capacity that is the source of all of our feeling of wonder, gratitude, beauty, affection, concern, interest, enjoyment, and fondness.

6.2.2.If love is the capacity flowing beneath all our positive experiences, creating our delight in the beautiful, lovely, the precious, the love is always present within us, revealing to our perception its many-faceted nature in infinite ways, all of the quite grand. We can call it Inner Love.

6.2.3.Life coaching is a service that comes from a deep caring for client’s fulfillment now and in the future as total human beings.

6.2.4.Working from the inside out and caring deeply for our clients as well as ourselves, we have the makings of becoming masterful coaches as well as masterful human beings.

6.2.5.Better coaching brings better living.

 
 
 
 
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