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ۼ  simonshin ۼ  2018.03.22 14:47 ȸ 426 õ 0
  ڻ Ǿ: Marital Adjustment  
 

: Young Adulthood, Middle and Senior Years ( ߴ ̷)

: Marital Adjustment

: ڻ

: Ǿ


: Lidz, T. (1976), The marital adjustment. In The person: his or her development through the life cycle (pp. 434-466). New York: Basic Books.

 

Marital Adjustment

 

1.     OVERVIEW

1.1.  THE TOPIC of marital adjustment is often taken to refer to the couples sexual adjustment.

1.1.1.    Even though the sexual adjustment is of vital moment to the future of the marriage, the subject has much broader ramifications.

1.1.2.     In general, it can be the lubricant that eases friction.

1.1.3.     It often serves as a sensitive indicator of the maturity of each partner and of their capacity to interrelate on an intimate and adult level.

1.1.4.     Yet it is but part of the total relationship, and it will pall if it is not emergent from a satisfying and fulfilling interpersonal relationship,

1.2.  When a marriage gets off to a good start, it forms a stabilizing influence for both spouses and a new opportunity for self-realization.

1.3.  However, even the best-matched couples encounter difficulties in adjusating to the new life together.

1.3.1.     The harmonious transition from honeymoon to ordinary life is often hampered by various disagreements and disappointments that can mount to resentment and regrets over the commitment.

1.3.2.     Most couples are well aware that such difficulties are likely to arise and feel determined that they will not happen in their marriage.

1.3.3.     The early months can contain periods of trial when each spouse may wonder about the wisdom of the marriage and experience anxiety about the future.

1.3.4.     Even when things go very badly the newlyweds are reluctant to let others know of their plight and will suffer in quiet resentment and despair before falling back on parents or friends for advice as they might desperately wish to do.

1.3.5.     The marriage ceremony is not the end of the story as it is in so many romantic novels, and most couples are very aware that it only marks the beginning of a new stage of life in which happiness or contentment must be achieved rather than simply expected as a consequence of the marriage.

 

2.     THE EFFECT OF MARRIAE ON PERSONALITY STRCTURE

2.1.  A successful marriage will usually both lead to and require a marked reorganization of the personality structure of each partner that will influence the further personality development of each.

2.1.1.     The marriage necessitates forming a union in which certain functions are shared, others undertaken by one spouse, and in which some aspects of individuality are renounced.

2.1.2.     Certain facets and traits of the personality will be developed further and others fade as the personality configuration changes in relation to a new most significant person.

2.1.3.     The nature of such personality reorganization is difficult to state coherently but may be elucidated through considering the changes somewhat schematically in terms of the structural concept.

2.2.  The ego functioning of each spouse must expand in marriage to consider the other as well as the self, and also the marriage as an entity.

2.2.1.     Optimally, the spouse becomes an alter ego whose desires, needs, and well-being ate considered on a par with ones own, and whose opinions and ideas are taken into account in reaching decisions affecting spheres of common interest.

2.3.  The superego directives of each partner also change to meet the superego standards and cope with the id impulses of the spouse.

2.3.1.     Each partner grew up with differing parental and societal directives that have been internalized as superego directives.

2.4.  Alterations in the expression permitted to id impulsions follow as a consequence of modification of the superego; but other influences are also effective.

2.4.1.     Consideration of the partners sexual urges are clearly basic to a satisfactory sexual adjustment.

2.4.2.     Persons will, at times, be motivated to sexual activity by their spouses rather than by their own urges.

2.4.3.     A new freedom in giving vent to sexual drives follows the availability of a sexual outlet that is not only permitted by society and parents but is even an obligation.

2.5.  The personality may also change gradually after marriage because of a shift in identification models, notably by taking on characteristics and standards of a parent-in-law.

2.6.  Some women, however, ambitious for themselves through having competent husbands, may have had to compromise and marry men who do not live up to their aspirations; and others, who wish to shape their husbands, marry less forceful and more malleable men.

2.7.   Difficulties can then ensue because the wife sets out to remake her husband in the image of her own ideal, which may be difficult for the husband to tolerate, for directly or indirectly his own sense of adequacy is being undermined, and his potency may decline as well, either because of his feelings of inadequacy or as a means of passive rebelliousness.

 

3.     TRANSFERENCE OF PARENTAL TRAITS TO THE SPOUSE

3.1.  Almost everyone tends to "transfer" parental attributes to a spouse because the relatedness to the parents forms the foundations for relationships with other intensely significant persons.

3.1.1.     These transferences lead to some blurring of the marital relationship when spouses are seen more in the image of the parent than as they really are.

3.1.2.     Indeed, herein lies the source of many neurotic marital conflicts, and it is often complicated by the choice of a person who actually fills the shoes of the parent.

3.1.3.     On the one hand, a person may be upset when the spouse does not remain true to the needed image and breaks the illusion; on the other, undesirable traits of a parent are attributed to a spouse erroneously,

3.2.  The narcissistic needs of a husband or wife for unceasing admiration also usually reflect ways of relating to a parent of the opposite sex.

3.3.  The Parental Roles of Spouses

3.3.1.     Such examples of difficulties that may result from transferring parental attributes to a spouse should not be misconstrued to indicate that the wish for a spouse to fill something of a parental role is necessarily neurotic or detrimental to a marriage.

3.3.2.     Indeed, a marriage encompasses desires to cornplete the family romance that had to be frustrated in the family of origin.

3.3.3.     Even mature persons seek something of a parent in a spouse.

3.3.4.     It is a matter of the proper balance of such needs.

 

4.     MECHANISMS OF DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE

4.1.  The coalescing of personalities and dependency upon a spouse often lead to a remarkable inability to perceive a spouses faults and mistakes.

4.2.  The need to defend the partner and accept his beliefs can extend to become a folie deux, which in minor forms is far from uncommon among married couples.

 

5.     THE FUSION OF THE FAMILIES OF ORIGIN

5.1.  The interrelationship of two persons to form a marital unit involves the reorganization and fusion of the influences of both of their families of origin.

5.1.1.     The families in which they were reared have been incorporated into their personalities and all persons retain many attitudes originating in their families concerning marital roles, marriage as an institution, and the value of family life.

5.1.2.     Further, the family of origin incorporated the values, mores, and sentiments of its ethnic, religious, and social class origins and each spouse carries such cultural values and mores into the marriage.

5.1.3.     Such considerations are particularly important in the United States where marriages often cross the various cultural boundaries and where the new family gains cohesion and form through the blending of the two personalities rather than through merging into a network of kinfolk

5.2.  Reciprocal and Collateral Marital Roles

5.2.1.     There are some fundamental differences in families that can be very difficult to bridge, particularly if the spouses are unaware of the great differences in their orientations to family life.

5.2.2.     In somewhat simplified form we may consider that the contemporary urban American family tends to test upon companionship between the spouses and finds its stability from the couples finding reciprocal interactional patterns agreeable to both; but other families, including many in lower socioeconomic groups, tend to find stability in an institutional pattern common to many cultural groups in which the roles of husband and wife are parallel or collateral rather than interactional. In the collateral type of family, the husband and wife each have sets of functions and roles to canry out, and the marriage is more concerned with a way of sharing the tasks of life and having a home in which to rear children than with providing companionship for the spouses.

5.3.  Autonomy of the Family

5.3.1.     The highly mobile self-sufficient family made necessary by contemporary industrial society requires that the primary allegiance of each marital partner shift from the parental to the marital family; that the center of gravity, so to speak, be established within the nuclear family; and that decision-making functions be assumed by the couple.

5.3.2.     However, the interference of parents in a marriage and the use of parents as a major source of security are common disruptive forces in marriages.

 

6.     EQUITY IN MARRIGAE

6.1.  A large proportion of young married women continue in the occupations outside the home, at least until shortly before the first child is born.

6.1.1.     Many husbands, in turn, seek to help with the household work; and increasingly agreements are made concerning a reasonably equitable division of tasks.

6.1.2.     We must realize, however, that the majority of working wives, perhaps seventy-five percent or more, do not desire their husbands help with domestic work.

6.1.3.     They continue in the tradition which gives precedence to their husbands emotional needs and satisfactions with their marriages.

6.1.4.     Womens expectations are changing, but up to now problems of redistribution of roles and tasks exist largely among college graduates, and particularly in dual-career marriages.

6.1.5.     Women who are pursuing careers almost always expect a reasonably equitable sharing of domestic tasks and marry men who expect to help them with household work, if not share it with them.

6.2.  The problems related to equity between marital partners can, with a modicum of good will, usually be solved even in a dual-career marriage as long as the couple are childless.

6.2.1.     More difficult and realistic problems arise when there are children, which concern what kind of offspring the couple wish to produce as well as the continuity of both careers.

 

7.     MARRIAGE AS A SUPPORT

7.1.  The capacities to adjust to marriage and the potential for growth through marriage depend upon the successful passage through prior development stages, particularly upon having gained during adolescence a suitable identity as an individual reasonably independent from parents, and capacities for intimacy.

7.2.  Nevertheless, many marriages between persons who have not had an unblemished passage through prior developmental stages, and who may even be rather seriously impaired, are adequately successful.

7.3.  Marriage provides an integrating force, not only because of support from the partner, but also because it provides tangible tasks to cope with, rather definite roles to take on, and a position within society.

7.4.  However, even though personality problems can be helped by marriage, they more commonly create difficulties, for marriage presupposes reasonable independence, a secure ego identity, and capacities for intimacy from each partner.

 

8.     THE SEXUAL ADJUSTMENT

8.1.  Introduction

8.1.1.     A mutually satisfying sexual relationship, while not essential to a satisfactory marriage, is usually critical to marital happiness.

8.1.2.     Currently, in marriages that rest on the interaction between spouses and on companionship, the sexual goal of both partners is to experience orgasm, which not only offers relief from tension but ecstatic pleasure enhanced by providing a similar experience for the spouse.

8.1.3.     The release and enjoyment of a good sexual relationship smooths away the rough edges of the minor incompatibilities occur in every marriage and the frictions that arise in daily living.

8.1.4.     Sexual incompatibility will usually reflect disturbances in other areas of the marriage that have engendered resentments, anxieties, fears, and even loathing that virtually eliminate the potentialities of achieving sexual harmony.

8.1.5.     Various personality disturbances may interfere with participation in the sexual act or enjoyment of it.

8.2.  Early Sexual Problems

8.3.  The Victoria Heritage

8.4.  Intimacy and Sexuality

8.5.  The Marriage Night

8.6.  Physical Source of Sexual Problems

8.7.  Arousal in the Women

8.8.  Clitoral or Vaginal Orgasm?

8.9.  The Female Orgasm

8.10.              The Male Orgasm

8.11.              Womens Potential Difficulties

8.12.              Common Problems of Young Man

8.13.              Achieving Mutual Sexual Gratification

8.14.              Some Common Misconceptions

8.15.              Divergent Sexual Mores

8.16.              Marriages Without Sexual Relations

8.17.              Sex and Emotional Maturity

 

9.     THE SINGLE LIFE

9.1.  While the single life closes many doors, there are still cotuntless ways available that can lead to a rich and meaningful life.

9.2.  Though many persons will prefer to venture into a marriage that offers little chance of happiness rather than remain single, others can rightfully feel that an unhappy and conflictful marriage is more confining than completing and can be destructive of such integrity as the person has obtained.

9.3.  The life development of many persons does not lead to the potentiality of further growth through marriage or for the assumption of the intimate relatedness and the responsibilities of parenthood.

9.4.  Many such persons correctly realize that their future will be more secure and complete if it is pursued in some other direction.

9.5.  It may be salubrious if it becomes more acceptable for such persons to remain unmarried, and for those who have tried marriage and found that they are not suited for marriage or that marriage is not suited to them, not to involve others in another marital failure.

 

10.  Conclusion

10.1.              The formation of a stable and satisfying marriage is probably the most crucial factor in assuring the emotional stability and security of the next generation, as well as a favorable subsequent personality development of the spouses.

10.2.              In general, a good marriage in our contemporary society usually depends upon the achievements by both spouses of sufficient independence and firm integrations as individuals to enable them to live interdependently rather than with one partner dependent on the other; and upon the ability of both to continue to grow after marriage and develop new interests so that the marriage is constantly being renewed.

10.3.              Such continued renewal is important to the stability of the marriage and the satisfaction of both partners and goes beyond settling down and trying to find a way of living together harmoniously.

10.4.              Children and interest in their constant change is one important means by which such renewal can be achieved.

 
 
 
 
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